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LtCmdr. Shayne: All Good Things Must Begin (DS26/Blackwell)

2018-09-17 23:18:14

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((Corridors, Deep Space 26)) Shayne: Lead on. ::He was not lead. This was a fact of his personality. Though he was not a = =E2=80=9Ctough guy=E2=80=9D, though he had no problem taking advice or foll= owing superior officers, it was always of his own volition. He decided whet= her he obeyed these commands, or proceeded along the same path as he or she= that beckoned him to fall in line. It was, in his experience, the quiet on= es that demanded their course, however short or wracked with pain, be set b= y them and not defined by anyone else's insistence or expectation.:= : ::And yet, he trusted this stranger, this soul mate, to guide his direction= , to decide where he stepped. Small matters to a socialite, to those that m= ingled and gossiped and shared themselves endlessly, but for people with su= ch crippling fears and demons as Shayne (and indeed MacKenna), this simple = act was like taking the whole of reality, and placing it directly in the ha= nds of another.:: ::It didn't help that his reality was now almost exclusively MacKen= na herself.:: ::It wasn't like he could stop it. Not that he would if he could. T= his wasn't entirely his choice. This needed to be. Some part of him= longed for what only MacKenna could provide, and it was a part of him that= he'd denied for as long as he could remember. When part of the hea= rt went dead, it was best to leave it that way. He had been perfectly conte= nt to maintain that mindset. Well, happy was as improper a word as humanly = possible. The fact of his discontent had rather been the point. And now, wi= thout his volition or permission, that neglected, forlorn section of his ps= yche was swelling with new purpose and life. It was painful, and it was sup= erb. If things fell apart now, in this most vulnerable of times, he was sur= e the descent of events would snag his remaining capacity for trust and dra= g it down into the inescapable pit of What Might Have Been.:: MacKenna: I understand how you feel. I've been there once. But it g= ets better. ::His mindset had been slammed out of its funk by her mere presence, and th= eir interaction had only stimulated the finest sensations of trust and affe= ction in him. But days of perpetual anger, misery, hatred and loathing for = everything and everyone (principally, himself), had ingrained a defensive, = confrontational mindset. The two opposite reactions warred slightly, before= they settled on a compromise on how to approach. The message of the anger,= and the delivery of the joy.:: Shayne: I trust you. But does it? They'll not ask me again= - not if they're in their right minds. ::If it had been anyone else, he might have thought they were patronizing h= im, shoving tired platitudes down his throat only to make themselves feel b= etter about his revulsion. But with this flame-haired goddess, every word w= as imbued with an honesty and a truthfulness, to the point where no alterna= tive motivation could fit into the spaces between. Each expression was a fo= rce, a fact, and a prayer, and Shayne found himself hanging onto every word= .:: ::He was impatient, and he had all the time in the world. Each second was c= aught in the ecstacy of preparation, of bracing oneself to enjoy a fact of = the universe that presented itself only reluctantly. He could wait. Shayne = didn't even notice when the dark, glittering green tiles of DS26 ga= ve way to the uniformly grey familiarity of the Blackwell.:: MacKenna: They would be crazy not to. ::His eyes refused to look away from her. A response could not possibly bui= ld on the moment. This was what he'd craved without wanting to admi= t the need- approval. Approval from someone that seemed able to take him as= he was, faults, errors, wrongs and all, and then still render a judgement = of his worth. His counselors- indeed, almost every counselor he'd e= ver met- enjoyed reiterating the importance of the pyramid of needs, and ho= w more than half of it was dedicated to the sensations of acceptance and fu= lfillment. Well, Shayne, ever dedicated to throwing psychologists for a loo= p, had done everything in his power to prove them wrong, to be an exception= to their meddling philosophies. Only now, though, was he understanding the= harm he'd done to himself.:: ::MacKenna had, in one instant, done more for him than countless degree-awa= rded, Federation-approved shrinks.:: ::They stopped.:: ::The change was abrupt, and yet subtle, like an end to a string of hiccups= . He looked around. The corridor was familiar, and yet not quite recognizab= le. He looked to the side. A set of quarters returned his stagnant gaze.:: ::To Shayne, on any other night, with any other person, this invitation wou= ld leave him a quivering mess. Intimate relations of any sort were definite= ly outside his particular skill set. But now, whatever MacKenna had in mind= , he was prepared for. He felt elevated, purer, and he was confident her se= nsations and impressions were likewise above such considerations. Whatever = happened now, he would gladly follow. But not before he made his love- his = untouched, unassailable love- clear.:: ::Wrapping her soft hand delicately in his, he said what he'd wante= d to say for what felt like years.:: Shayne: From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Shayne: oO You need only give a sign. I am here for you. Oo ::For the first time in his life, he wished someone was telepathic. Most da= ys, that particular quirk of biology was a source of concern at best, and d= ownright terrifying at worst. And yet, now that he was possessed only of th= oughts that he wished to share, his priorities had changed.:: MacKenna: ::Quietly.:: For you, any time. ::She leaned in. The same thing that would be rendering him a total, inept = mess was now holding him erect, firm, and ready to provide the gentle, true= affection her encircling arms sought. As she enveloped him back, he realiz= ed it didn't matter who might spot them. It didn't matter w= hat they'd say. They had this- they could mock if they wished, but = nothing short of time travel could dispossess them of the joy and affection= they'd experienced today.:: ::As strong as he felt, as motivated as he was to remain like this for the = next century, his body, his head, his heart itself felt on the edge of cata= strophic failure. He was exhausted. He'd pushed himself too damned = hard.:: ::It came with precisely no surprise that MacKenna picked up on that a mome= nt later- he'd become accustomed to her vaguely telepathic abilitie= s. But the way she expressed it left him reeling as a new surge of joy at u= nexplored possibilities flashed inside him.:: MacKenna: You don't have to be alone. I have plenty of space. ::He truly didn't want to impose. That would be catastrophic. But he didn= 't want to be without her, especially now. It was irregular. It was= incredible. It was beautiful. They were both of the same rank, both of the= same heart. There was nothing regulation-wise that could stop them. And ev= en if there were, he didn't think he'd care.:: ::And as she went to retrieve blankets for him, he wondered if he= 'd actually have the strength to get back to his own quarters, all = the way across the Blackwell.:: Shayne: Are you sure? ::Much of his gratitude was lost in the slight slurring of the words, but h= e didn't worry. She knew just how touched he was. The absolute trust of abs= olute communication.:: MacKenna: Sleep easy tonight. I'll be here when you wake up. ::His eyes had already began to slide closed, the traitorous sensing organs= finally losing the struggle. In his last moments of coherence, he inelegan= tly descended until his head hit the pillow. He was in a stranger's= quarters, without prior plans or intentions. And he wasn't freakin= g out wildly.:: Shayne: ::Whispering through the exhaustion.:: Thank you. ::And with that, he finally surrendered to sleep that had been denied him. = The last realization before he lost consciousness was that, for the first t= ime in recent memory he was happy.:: END Lieutenant Commander Randal Shayne Ops Officer/Second Officer USS Blackwell NCC 58999 G239202RS0 -- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "= UFOP: StarBase 118 =E2=80=93=C2=A0Andaris Task Force" group. 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